True Colors

Thursday, November 1st, 2007

10:11 pm - Back From The Cold

Just got home from NDC, and it's a bit sad that my Mom and my two sisters weren't there to welcome me back. They went to Leyte yesterday and totally didn't tell me. Hmpf. Well, at least my Dad was able to pick me up from the airport.

Initially, I thought that the NDC was my worst tournament ever. I felt like my debates were awful and that I wasn't in my 'element,' whatever that means. After three rounds, I was tempted to just pack and go home... seeing as I wasn't enjoying the rounds at all. And odie and I were off to a really rough start.

In hindsight, I guess it wasn't that bad. Sure, I didn't really reach my expectation of myself (yuck) but I'm glad I was able to break in my first NDC. Not only that, I was really able to bond with the other debaters and get to know our kids much better. =) The biggest challenge I faced, though was having to deal with early morning baths of ice cold water. Yep, no heater everyone. Que Horror!

Ok. Since I'm much more comfortable making lists, here are the reasons why I LOVE the PMA NDC:

1. We broke into the Octos! (sorry, i guess this was already established in the previous paragraphs, but hey) I couldn't really ask for anything more than that. ^_^ Plus, three Silliman teams broke! Last year, we only had two. Now THAT is an achievement. =)

2. Moments at NAKAR... I guess Room 18 (the boys' room) would be forever remembered. We bonded so much there - talking, eating, laughing, hitting on each other (wahaha), seeing Biatch naked, etc. etc. Sure it wasn't some fancy hotel, but we had so much fun together, i would not have minded sleeping in tents. hehe.

3. Psycho stalker. Enough said. Sa makasabot lang!!! wahahaha. Great laughs. ^_^

4. The debate community is awesome! Debaters are definitely the best people I know. Got closer to the Mindanao people - especially ADDU, ADZU, MSU-M and XU. They're really cool. I can't wait to debate with them in VISMIN again. And since ADDU won the bid, we're bound for Davao next year... yay! Go South!

5. Baguio is to die for. Kristi, Odie, Noel and I spent hours over coffee kanina, just talking about how much we would love to go back to Baguio and just ditch Dumaguete. Noel was close to tears. Hehe. Just kidding. ;p

6. Cadets are hot. haha. Seriously, I wasn't really boywatching or anything but someone caught my fancy! heehee. I am SO not telling. And to those people who know, SHHHHHH. It's just a tourney crush anyway - nothing serious. I have one or two every single time. Blah.

7. Adrian Rabe gave me a 76! Sorry - this is a feat for me already, considering that it's THE Aids Rabe we're talking about, and round 6 was just awful. Hehe. Toinkz. =)

8. The lessons learned. I'm forever going to treasure them talaga. Going up against the best debaters in the country just made me realize how much passion people can have for the craft. And I thought I was an addict, hehe. I'm sure I emerged a better debater (and person) after the tourney. =)

And here are the things I promise to do after PMA (because I didn't expect NDC to be THAT HARD):

1. Brush up on my construction. I was such a bad constructive speaker in the tournament - all the low scores I had were when we were opening. Hmpf. I just don't get it. Before, the guys kept telling me to stop whipping (I originally preferred to be whip when I was starting out) and start being a constructive speaker because they say that my whip speeches were better off constructive. And when I finally shifted, I kinda liked constructing na and even had a knack for meta arguments. And now that I'm back to whipping, it's like I completely lost touch of the constructive speaker in me. UGH. must.do.better.

2. Ok. I know that a lot of really good debaters have their 'hated' positions (except for Noel who can do anything, BLAH) but they could still do very well in tournaments. I, however, am not so good yet and still have to learn everything there is to learn about debating. And so, even though I completely detest it, and it has been proven that I suck at it SO BAD, I'm going to start training as a Prime Minister. WAAAH. (I can hear the other debaters laughing at the idea right now... Yes, I am THAT BAD.) Wish me luck.

3. I need to save up... probably look for a job or something. Gosh - Baguio was just too expensive, I had barya for pocket money. Debating is such an expensive vice. But I'm not quitting it. ^_^ I need to scrape for moolah!

4. I'm going to train our kids like crazy! I just realized how much the debate community has grown, and has changed. Before, you know who to expect in the finals (they are now dinos who still show up every now and then) - but last NDC, the tournament was just filled with so many new faces... rookies who KICK ASS. It was scary. Gica Mangahas is the 3rd Freshman to win the NDC... after Bobby and Leloy. And you know how the latter two performed for the rest of their debate careers. Definitely a new era... WAAAH. I hope I can keep up. =)

Anyway, that's all for now. I hope to see you all in the next NDC!

current mood:

sleepy

Monday, July 16th, 2007

12:37 pm - breakdown...BOW

Whoa.

Last friday, after a debate about breastmilk (hehe), I finally broke down. In the middle of my speech, there were some debaters who I felt were too 'mean' and 'intrusive' - they were reacting badly to the speech I worked hard on, and they were also being very vocal about it. Normally, I really wouldn't mind. After all, who else knows debate theatrics better than me? It was just that at that moment, there were so many things running through my head. I was having an off-week, I recently caved in to my vices again (which I swore I wouldn't do anymore), and I was suffering a 'love' problem, the latter being the culprit of the first two.

I talked to RJ about my problem and he suggested that I take the week off. I needed space and time daw to just mull things over, and start putting things back into place. Gosh - I didn't even know how messed up I was until that very conversation. It seemed like in everything I do, I'm being held back by this effin 'problem'. I told him I'd think about it.

The next morning, I woke up SO SICK. I had sipon and ubo, my head was spinning, and my throat was so sore. I didn't know why. I guess the 'breakdown' wasn't just mental and emotional, it was also physical. It was like my body was just responding to how I felt. Hahay. Could my life get any worse?

I'm still sick. Probably sicker than I was last saturday. And I'm not sure I'm getting the 'rest' RJ wanted me to have.

I know, I know, I'm pushing myself too far. But what can I do? I'm hard-headed.

I deserve all of this.

Fuck love.

Thursday, April 12th, 2007

2:03 pm - Random Thoughts II

Ok. I absolutely have nothing in particular that I want to write about. But for the sake of active blogging, I've decided to write random thoughts instead.

So I was watching American Idol this noon and I must say that I was quite pleased with Sanjaya's performance! For those of you who aren't really fans of AI, allow me to give you a little backgrounder on Sanjaya. He's this 17 year old Indian-American dude who has awesome hair but mediocre talent... in singing, that is. As an entertainer, he's pretty good - exactly the reason why he's still in the top 8 when he should've been booted out ages ago. He's probably the most famous of the bunch. While other AI contestants have their own fanbase, Sanjaya has a group of people who are on a hunger strike until he gets voted out. Ahh, idiots. Anyway, for some reason, I can't hate Sanjaya. He's such a sweet boy. He looked hot in the Latin inspired genre episode too. Anna likey!

***************************************************************************************

For the past three days, I've been waking up at 5:30 in the morning to prepare for Silliman on Air. It's this radio show from 6:00-8:00 and Mark has just appointed me and Noel to be 'in charge' of the show: in terms of who to invite, topics to discuss, etc. etc. It's kinda cool, actually; if only it weren't so early... grabeh. Last tuesday and wednesday, Noel and I discussed topics regarding the elections like banning actors and actresses from running, maturity of the Filipino voters and political dynasties. I was surprised that a lot of people tuned in. We got lots of reactions from the listeners through text. It was really cool. This morning we had Odie and Stacy talk about election survey polls. =) Maybe next week we could talk about more interesting topics... hopefully, not the elections anymore. It's too exhausting. Homosexuality perhaps? Haha.

***************************************************************************************

After weeks of agony and a short discussion with my mother last night, it is final. I'm bound for Indonesia this May! Shout with me guys: YAAAAAY! I was actually very skeptical about going since I knew my Mom would be spending a lot nanaman, and I haven't really been the best daughter lately (or ever). But Mark assured us of a reasonable amount of support from the administration PLUS I have awesome teammates (Noel and Stacy), so I guess there's nothing really stopping me from joining. Except of course Bird Flu, terrorist attacks, earthquakes and floods which Indonesia is very famous for. Just kidding. Indonesia's gonna be great. AND I get to test my debating once again! This time, with world class debaters. Screw VUDC... I'm going to the Asians!

***************************************************************************************

What do you do when all of a sudden you realize that there might be a slight chance that something you thought would never ever happen could actually do?

SLEEP it off. Haha. See ya around guys!

current mood:

cheerful

Monday, January 15th, 2007

6:30 pm - Another Passerby

There is a time for departure even when there's no certain place to go. - Tenessee Williams

I saw him today. =)

I haven't seen him in weeks - not since the day he summoned us to talk about something important. I missed him terribly, but I knew that time was way too much to ask, considering how busy we both were. Sure, I would see him once in a while, but definitely unlike before when everything - every activity, every bonding - was all about him.

On that day when we last saw each other, and when everybody else was gone, I decided to tell him about my latest predicament. He was, after all, one of the few people I trusted with my emo-stories and secrets. I'd say our conversation lasted for about ten minutes - that was when I was driving him home. He listened to me, and asked me random questions. I answered him truthfully, just like the old times.

He was never the type who would comfort you and tell you that things will be ok. Always frank, and a borderline know-it-all, he pretty much told me that I deserved the problem and gave me a lecture (well, more like advised me) to not make the same mistake again. Other people who didn't know him well would, I guess, be slightly offended. I, on the other hand, just smiled and acknowledged what he had to say. This was definitely one of the reasons why I liked him so much.

I was hoping the drive would last longer, but his place was too near, and there was barely traffic. He told me he'd want to talk more soon, but I knew he was just being polite. Well, even if he really meant it, I knew for a fact that he was as busy as I was, and we had no means of communication - except if someone would bump into me accidentally and would tell me where he was.

The truth is, I didn't want to expect. I had too much of that from him in the past.

But I saw him today - somewhere I never expected he'd be. He was as handsome, and as stern-looking. He didn't notice me at first - to my advantage, because I had a little moment of just 'staring' at him.

Finally, I was able to mutter a 'hi'. He looked up and his face brightened as he greeted me with a surprised, yet sincere smile. I used to have these smiles all the time.

He asked me what I was doing there, and I told him that this was pretty much the place where I usually sought peace of mind and drowned my thoughts in the silence.

I sat down in front of him, and started a little chat, which ended after a few minutes. He resumed what he was doing, and I started to read Timothy Montes' Vic Pura. Could there be a more perfect story to have at that very moment?

I kept glancing at him, obviously unable to concentrate on the story (note to self: read it again.)

I remember when we were always together - of course, we would be louder than we were right now. I always thought of him as the leader, followed his every command, even if he didn't require me to. I figured it would be the best way to spend more time with him - I was always happy when he was there.

Gradually, I started feeling something else - something which I denied at first, a feeling that I never wanted and dangerously the one thing that could destroy everything we have built.

For so long I struggled against the emotion, almost begging for it to go away. I was starting to do things I would never do before. I was giving up, succumbing to whatever that was that drew me to him more and more.

It was a one-way traffic thing, as my friends used to say. It was crazy, and hell, umpossible. So I did what I had to do. I detached myself. I led myself into thinking that forgetting him was the best thing to do, even if it meant going away. It was a decision I had to make. And I did.

"I have to go," he said, as he picked up his things hurriedly.

"Ah, ok. Bye," I replied softly.

"See you around then." He answered back, and gave me another hearty smile.

I followed him with my gaze, and heaved a sigh. I wondered what it would have been like if I stayed close to him, or if I gave in to the feeling I once had. Would it have hurt more than it did when I left? But I knew it was too late to be trying to analyze things.

I pretended to read again, drowning myself in stories that temporarily colored my world.

current mood:

lonely

Tuesday, January 2nd, 2007

12:36 pm - Goodbye 2006!

I found this survey in Ala Paredes’ blog so I decided to answer it too… my year-end entry. I’m feeling all diva-ish. =)

What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before?
I was absent for one class so many times that both my hands wouldn’t be enough to count. Luckily, I passed that class. I went to Siquijor with my Barkada and I also went to my first two kick-ass debate tournaments – one national and one international. I think I’ve found my calling. =)

Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?I’m not really into making new years’ resolutions since I turned 12. That’s when I found out that I didn’t have what it took to keep them.

Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nope. Most people close to me are my age.

Did anyone close to you die?
Not really close to me but yep, a lot of people I know died this year. Four students, one dean, and a few teachers – all from Silliman.

What countries did you visit?
None. But hopefully I get to visit two next year. =)

What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006?
Academic excellence? Haha. Direction in life, a good relationship with my Dad and a keke.

What date from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
My eighteenth birthday, definitely. Though I didn’t have a grand party, that day was bitchin’. Probably the whole Hibalag experience too…so that would be from July to August.

What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Finally having a heart-to-heart talk with my Mom and being able to open up to her completely.

What was your biggest failure?
My biggest failure? The incident when my carelessness almost destroyed everything I had. Fortunately, something good came out of it.

Did you suffer illness or injury?
No. I was healthy all year.

What was the best thing you bought?
I’m not sure. Probably, flip-flops. I started my whole slipper-revolution this year.

Whose behavior merited celebration?
Definitely not mine. Tracy McGrady! He’s not a ball-hog anymore. =)

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
I won’t tell. Secret na lang…

Where did most of your money go?
Debate. It’s actually not my money. It’s my mom’s. But if you mean my allowance, COFFEE and food and gas.

What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Debate. God, I’m so a boring, obsessed nerd. Cool.

What song(s) will always remind you of 2006?
Boom tarat tarat. I don’t mean that in a good way. Hawak Kamay by Yeng. It’s almost as overplayed as Pinoy Ako by Orange and Lemons. Again, not in a good way.

Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? -- sadder. But I had lots of happy moments too.
ii. thinner or fatter? –- fatter. I should be on a diet.
iii. richer or poorer? –- still the same. My mother is as frugal as when I was seven.

What do you wish you'd done more?
Study.

What do you wish you'd done less of?Fooling around, playing hooky and caring about sh*t that don’t really matter. How many one-night stands?Ngeek. What was your favorite TV program?Project Runway, Desperate Housewives, and That 70’s Show.

Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Yep. I so won’t tell.

What was the best book you read?
Holding Out by Anne Faulk, Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom.

What was your greatest musical discovery?
Hmm… I’m not into music this year eh. I don’t know what happened. I’m becoming musically-old.

What did you want and get?
More friends. Eccentric friends.

What was your favorite film of this year?
Rent. Hands down.

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
A small party. Eighteen.

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
I should have gone to the NDC. God, what a loss.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006?
Plain. Too plain.

What kept you sane?
sleep, movies and books.

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Elliott Yamin of American Idol. I was so obsessed with him this year...

What political issue stirred you the most?
Probably the war in the Middle East. Apparently, they're still fighting. =(

Who did you miss?
Maia, Geliah and Jessamine. I miss them so much!

Who was the best new person you met?
Ooh, I met a lot of people this year. Kuya Razcel, probably. I never met someone like him. Boho-Environmentalist-Artist turned politician. Haha. The most eccentric of all. :)

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006:
When you’ve got nothing good to say, don’t speak. When you’ve got nothing good to offer, back off.

What was the nicest thing someone told you about yourself:
I don’t remember. It’s either I’m unappreciative or nobody told me anything. =)

The most touching experience you've had this year?
My heart-to-heart talk with my Mom.

What did you like most about yourself this year?
My debate career.

What did you hate most about yourself this year?
Getting into things I’m not supposed to.

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
"here's only us, there's only this. Forget regret, or life is yours to miss. No other road, no other way. No day but today... - RENT soundtrack"

Was 2006 a good year for you?
I’m not sure. In some aspects, yes. In some, not really.

What was your favorite moment of the year?
Ahh, when I talked to my ultimate dream guy at Dish. I'm never going to forget that for as long as I live! =)

What was your least favorite moment of the year?
My confrontation with ykw.

Where were you when 2006 began?
Silliman Village, Piapi, Dumaguete City. Haha.

Who were you with?
Family.

Where will you be when 2006 ends?
Silliman Village, Piapi, Dumaguete City.

Who will you be with when 2006 ends?
Family.

Do you have a new years resolution for 2007?
Nope. But I will probably make a list of some I intend to keep.

What was your favorite month of 2006?
February.

Did you lose anybody close to you in 2006?
Jessamine. Well, I didn’t really lose her. She just left for the States.

What was your favorite record from 2006?
Musically old.

How many concerts did you see in 2006?
Hmm… none. Dumaguete is such a loser when it comes to cool concerts.

Did you drink a lot of alchohol in 2006?
I had the least alcohol this year ever since I started drinking. Hurrah for me!

Do a lot of drugs in 2006?
NO

You do anything you are ashamed of this year?
Ya… but I got over them.

How much money did you spend in 2006?
Not much probably.

What was your proudest moment of 2006?
Debate?

What was your most embarrassing moment of 2006?
I don’t want to talk about it. ;)

If you could go back in time to any moment of 2006 and change something, what would it be?
God, December 23. Won’t tell you why.

What are your plans for 2007?
Trying not to flunk, organizing the Cultural show during CBA week, and winning VUDC.

How are you different now that the year has ended?
I’m more informed. I guess I’m better.

What are your wishes for the new year?
I hope I don’t mess the year up big time. =)

current mood:

nostalgic

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Thursday, December 28th, 2006

8:37 pm - Outgrowing Christmas

This is the worst Christmas ever.

Or perhaps the second worst. Last year's Christmas was downright torture.

I locked myself inside my room and snootily refused to join my family for noche buena (despite my Mom's nagging - which by the way made everything so much worse). The Espino father-daughter feud was at its height that time and I just couldn't bear to sit with my Dad on the same table, pretending to be a part of the 'family' when I felt like the unwanted illegitimate child. I felt like a rebel, in a good way. Kind of like the cool kids in movies who hated their parents and started drinking, and smoking, and taking drugs, and ditching school. Ok - at that time, THOSE things were cool for me.

This year, I spent 5 minutes on the table. A lousy improvement but an improvement nonetheless. I stuffed myself too much while cooking (the legendary tikim-tikims), and so my Christmas feast was an hour premature.

Anyway, I lost interest in Christmas. I guess it is true that the season is only for children.

When I was a kid, I always had at least three presents under the tree. Now, we almost FORGOT to put up the tree. Had it not been for our maid who reminded us that we were supposed to put up a tree (apparently, it's an SOP for her), we never would have bothered. And oh yes, no gifts AT ALL. I only received money from my Mom, which I spent buying clothes for a party I went to. But what good is a Christmas present if it's not wrapped in shiny red wrapper with an equally shiny red ribbon?

We also didn't decorate the house this year with lights and other Christmas ornaments. Now, this is a totally big change since we spend half of our Christmas bonding as a family decorating the house. It's funny how my Dad would always compare our house to our next door neighbor's who could be a professional Christmas decorator or something. Yeah, our house looks like shit compared to their's but ours was done with love (shudder).

The food we had weren't as festive as last year's. We only had cheese sticks (which I proudly made), ham, mango pandan and dozens of brownies which were all from the cafeteria (eek!). Mom didn't even have the decency to cook rice.

So you see, Christmas is an excuse to give children something to look forward to. It's just another ordinary day that specializes in making people more miserable about growing old.

current mood:

indifferent

Wednesday, November 29th, 2006

2:43 am - Bringing out the nerd in me

Lately, I've been stressing about this idea that "I don't know anything" regarding everything I ought to have known ever since I decided to become a debater. It's kind of a 'chartered' obligation for everyone who dare call him or herself such, that he or she must know EVERYTHING - well, at least those things that have significance when debating. It is held, in the debate community, that no inferior, substandard mind can ever be able to truly contend with the brilliant minds of THE debaters. (I'm starting to sound more and more like a poet. Haha.)

And you see, stemming from my naivete or perhaps my lack of sentience with reality (cut me some slack, I was young), I always had this delusional idea that we (Silliman) would someday beat the hell out of the hegemony that is Ateneo. Sadly, after reading their blogs, I found out about their life-long commitment to kicking ass, through higher philosophy and shrewd reasoning. And at the rate we're going, all hopes have now become impossible.

So, in order to at least be able to have a decent round with any Ateneo team, I have devoted myself to the pursuit of learning (and this time, I mean it). Kudos to the other Silliman debaters who have also come to realize that occasionally reading TIME is not enough, hence, Kristi with "The Republic", Yana with "The Prince", Gers with "The World is Flat" (read: it's good to know the basics) and RJ with his new obsession, "Venus in Exile" which made him all crazy about beauty in a postmodernist perspective. (BTW, accolades RJ for letting everyone borrow his books).

I, on the other hand, am trying to understand the philosophies of Soren Kierkegaard and Michel Foucault, which, DAMMIT, aren't easy. As strategy, I began with subjects that were most appealing, such as the former's existentialism and Foucault's sexual revolution (credits to Lyde, and Sir Casocot for letting me sit-in in his literature class).

Hopefully, I don't end up confusing myself even more with information overload.

current mood:

dorky

(3 comments | comment on this)

Wednesday, November 8th, 2006

4:18 am - A New Beginning... I hope.

And so, it begins.

Another semester, another heartache? A few weeks back, i had a major identity crisis, and no, it's not the 'am-I-a-homo?' crisis (hell NO); it was more of an 'I-don't-know-what-the-fuck-I'm-gonna-do!' thing. Let's just say I was caught between two choices that will pretty much determine not just the rest of my college life, but my future career as well (that is, if we put it in extremes -which I would.)

Save being evasive about it, I haven't really done anything with regards to the issue - an individual twist or whatever. I freely let other people persuade and practically, decide for me. And even if I seem to have made up my mind already, endless questions still linger at the back of my head. Convincing myself that I chose the right thing didn't help at all. Not if I was so sure that I'd be better off choosing otherwise. (read: Bryce would surely kill me after he reads this entry.)

Not to mention irritating comments and questions like, "diba ni-shift na ka?" or "Why are you taking this class? Naa diay ni sa Mass Com?" If you've asked me these, don't feel bad, I'm not mad at you. It's kind of my fault, actually - I literally shouted my plans to shift to the whole world. I really just don't want to talk about it... it just depresses me even more.

I guess I have no other choice but to let things unfold on their own. Maybe in the middle of this semester, I'd learn to love my course, or perhaps realize that I'm meant to do something else. Whichever.

I am only hoping that this semester wouldn't be anything like the last one. I can't handle too much drama right now... or ever.

current mood:

hopeful

Friday, October 13th, 2006

8:54 am - unparalleled

It simply amazes me how i can be so damn relaxed when i still got a million things to do! I feel like I'm in some crazy dimension where procrastination is the official language of all... or perhaps, I'm still in this dimension - people can be really lazy at times. Well, in my case, I'm lazy ALL THE TIME... so then that means that I'm really on a league of my own... hehe. (*shout out to the biggest procrastinators out there... your queen needs company) :)

I guess I just couldn't get over the whole mess this semester has turned out to be. The 4-month limbo just reeks lunacy. As much as I'd like to throw everything away, and forget everything as soon as possible, i'm having a really difficult time. Perhaps the fear of having to face a lot of responsibilities has taken over me... and I'm not sure if I'm strong enough (or skilled enough) to actually go through them without exacerbating the situation further, or damaging things I treasure the most - my family and my relationships with other people.

But who else is there to blame but myself? I was the one who got all stupid and started doing things without thinking twice. I was the one who deliberately neglected the things I should've prioritized way more than what I thought was fun and exciting. I was the one who foolishly mislead myself into thinking that what I do today doesn't really have that much effect on my future.

Ignorant, foolish, stupid me.

It took all this drama to wake me up... to bring me back to my senses. I'm eighteen. I'm supposed to be an adult.

I'm supposed to be mature enough to make the right decisions, to do the right things. This is the real deal now. I can't keep on calling out for my mom when I mess up. How can I ever stand up on my own two feet if she keeps bailing me out of every stupid mistake I make? Nobody - not even me - could live like that.

A new life -- there's nothing more I would want. An opportunity to start over, to use the past as a guide for me to do the right things. I know that it's not going to be perfect, nor is it going to be smooth-sailing. But I know it's the only way for me to change... not necessarily undo my mistakes, i couldn't do that. I just want to make things right.

The problem is - I don't know where to start... or even WHEN to start. The problems I have right now, I have yet to face. If only I could run away just to be done with it, I seriously would. But in the real world, people like me solve their problems the right way.

But as of this moment, I feel really REALLY crappy...

current mood:

crappy

Thursday, September 28th, 2006

12:25 pm - Chronicles of a Caffeine Afficionado

I have a mission – and it’s to raid all the coffee places in Dumaguete (or anywhere within my reach by creaky motorcycle) as much as I possibly can. I guess my being a coffee addict has its benefits. After almost nine years of being an adopted ‘Dumagueteño’, I finally had the initiative to start memorizing where you find certain places in what streets.

At the moment, I’m seated at the corner bench here at The Lounge Compuesto, a newly opened café-slash-bar-slash-restaurant, seemingly writing my Friday afternoon away. I’ve read their flyer once, (when some girl shoved several papers at me while I was approaching Hibbard Hall) and it says that their coffee shop closes at 5 pm. I’m convinced that this place turns into the ‘bar’ after five.

The buy-one-take-one coffee shake is nice, or perhaps I’m only neglecting the fact that it tastes just like the instant coffee I always have at home because the cute waiter who served me offered to brighten the lights a little bit so I could see what I’m writing. I’m also loving the fact that these two tall glasses with cherries on top only cost me thirty pesos. Yep, thirty measly pesos.

Oops – the cute waiter just approached me to tell me about the cakes they have. Banana Flan or Mango Float. I told him I’d have the latter, and after informing me that it’s twenty-five pesos, he gave me a smile! I smiled back, of course.

I guess the only problem I have with this place is their music. I’m currently listening to some oldie-pop song which I could have sworn was sung by Michael learns to rock. (I remember hearing this song back in second grade.) The place is almost deserted as well, except for two men at my left, gulping down a couple of Colt 45’s while engaging in a somewhat deep conversation.

Ooh. Their mango float tastes heavenly.

Overall, the Lounge Compuesto is given THREE STARS for effort (and the cute waiter). As much as I’d like to give it a higher mark, I feel there’s something missing. And besides, it could never compare to my all time favorite, Café Antonio.

I was back at Café Antonio last night. The owner (whose name I have yet to find out), smiled at me. He probably remembers me to be one of their “suki” – a group of boisterous students (no offense LYDE, EASTER, MARIANNE, DENVER, DIRGY) who constantly ordered just one drink each and stayed until the closing time.

He signaled to me if I wanted to play the piano. I politely said “no” and took my seat.

Surprisingly, John was the one who took my order. He’s a classmate back in Grade 4 (I didn’t know he worked there). I wonder how much he makes. If I decide to stop studying, I’ll probably consider getting a job here.

I ordered a Mocha Frap Classic and Ham & Cheese Sandwich and buried myself in Menchu Aquino Sarmiento’s “Meditations of a Piss Artist”.

It’s about a misunderstood guy who has become a pessimistic and troubled student in UP Diliman whose area of expertise is making his piss look pretty. Quite the rebel, he made his teachers fume (and horny) – and easily became the class hero. Women practically threw themselves at him (including his gay dean) and he simply entertained them, like he’s doing them a favor.

But there was this one girl whom he treated like nobody else. For him, she was different – demure, innocent, intelligent – far from the other women he’s been with. The problem was, he couldn’t even make a move on her, and she seemed uninterested.

In the end, he makes love to another woman but imagines the girl of his dreams. They aren’t even making love in his mind. They’re simply talking, and laughing, and kissing.

I left Café Antonio at 9 pm – I promised my mom I’d go home early. I almost left without paying! Hehe. I give Café Antonio FIVE STARS for being the best place to stay. Their coffee selection is delightful, and the piano-work is perfect. I feel like an bohemian-indie artist and a metropolitan yuppie at the same time. :p

Wait a minute. I swear this cute waiter was the guy Kleng2x introduced to me at the Booth Area. But then again, I’m not sure.

Going back, I also visited Coco Grande two days ago – just to save me from being caught driving without a license. I parked around thirty meters away from the checkpoint (Coco Grande lot) and stayed inside until the “dakop” was through.

Yippee! Michael Buble! (Finally a decent song.)

I was the only one in their Café, freezing cold. I ordered a cup of coffee and a slice of chocolate cake, and again, put out my stories and read. I especially liked “Termino” by Dean Francis Alfar (the best storyteller ever!)

I’ve never really eaten at Coco Grande’s Café before. I just realized that it has this sophisticated atmosphere that is quite promising. It just lacks music and personality. I bet they’d have younger customers if they only made the place more ‘masa’ yet still exuding that hint of urbanity and cosmopolitan feel. I give it FOUR STARS because I was able to concentrate on my stories the most staying there.

I glance at my watch. 3:30 pm.

Shit. I think the cute waiter’s gay.

current mood:

artistic

Tuesday, September 5th, 2006

1:12 pm - Elliott Yamin -

elliott yamin is the best!
(comment on this)

Wednesday, August 2nd, 2006

12:49 pm - TOP TEN VIDEOKE SONGS!!!

This is the next installment of Anna's ULTIMATE Top Tens.

Today: TOP TEN VIDEOKE SONGS!

For two straight Fridays now, I've been going home at 3 am in the morning (to my mom's dismay - that was some good reprimand, i tell you) to be with none other than my MASS COM friends (who else?). Anyway, we've decided that Friday is our official Videoke night of the week, where we drown ourselves in alcohol and scream to the songs of our choice- dedicated to the people who make our lives (and work at the SG) desolate and MISERABLE! *special shout out the the assholes who broke our hearts, and to the freaking crabs... particularly the dinosaur-slash-midget who just wouldn't die!*

And I've come up with the perfect top ten videoke songs for all of us!!! Hurray!

10. HEAVEN KNOWS by Price Rick- ok, not really the hate song i would've wanted this list to start out with. But, really, it's in the top 10. There was one time that the videoke machine got all crazy and listed Heaven Knows 8 times! We wanted to have a competition where we all sing the song and whoever got the highest score would win (duh.)! Unfortunately, Ate (i forgot her first name) decided not to let us sing 8 Heaven Knows... 'alakanse' daw sila. One song is P5.00 by the way.

9. LATER by Fra Lippo Lippi - When Richard sang this song, everybody just melted. And cried. Yep, somebody cried. A guy/gay cried. Ok, so Claudio cried. Probably it was all the beer - but I'd say it was Richard. When he opens his mouth, magic comes out. What a voice! Everybody wanted to make out with him after he finished the song. They were just too priggish to admit it. Haha!

8. BITCH by Meredith Brooks - The first time, it was Lyde who sang it. The second time, it was Kleng. Everybody was up on their feet screaming to the song. I'm a bitch! I'm a lover! I'm a child! I'm a fighter! I'm a sinner! I'm a saint! I do not feel ashamed! Isn’t the song just the most perfect screech-song? LOVE it.

7. BITUING WALANG NINGNING by Sharon Cuneta – Whoever suggested this song seriously wanted to sing it (but was too ashamed to admit it). I ended up singing the rest of the song though. That was when the drunkards and ‘tambay” outside of Country Gents started laughing. To hell with them. I was excellent. ^_^

6. JEALOUS by Nina – I could still clearly remember – six or seven people fought over the microphone to sing the song (myself, included). I don’t know why but when the title appeared on the screen, everybody started getting nutty… Eventually the song ended without anybody getting the chance to sing it properly.

5. BUKAS NA LANG KITA MAMAHALIN by Lani Misalucha – Oh my God. Aiken is the ultimate videoke
singer!!! I couldn’t keep my mouth shut (it was wide open) when he started to sing… He sounded like a girl. EXACTLY like a girl. He even hit all the high notes like he was singing the alpahabet song. Whoa. All hail Aiken!

4. CAN’T FIGHT THE MOONLIGHT by Leann Rimes – This is MY signature song. Everybody keeps asking me to sing it every single time we go out for videoke. I don’t really know why. But the way I sung it last Friday, thank God people danced their hearts out. I would’ve looked like an idiot dancing by myself!

3. CHAMPAGNE SUPERNOVA by Oasis – Nobody told me this song existed. Nobody. I didn’t even know it was a song until one of the tambays sung it. It was really cool though. Not to mention, very poetic. “Someday you will find me, caught beneath a landslide in a Champagne Supernova in the sky…” Denver sings his heart (and his intestines) out to this song. If only he could sing in tune (wahaha! Kidding Denv. Luv you!)

2. IRIS by Goo Goo Dolls – The greatest love song made. At least, for us. Lyde loves this song. It’s Easter’s favorite. Denver really got the lyrics just so he could sing it over and over. No doubt (clearly) about me. I love the Dolls. Plus, everyone can sing the song! Everyone knows the song! That’s one really, really good song!

1. SIGE by 6cyclemind – The funny thing about this song is, nobody has ever sung it in our group. I’ll tell you why it’s number one. Of course, inside the videoke place, other people (aside from us) are also there. Usually, we hog the microphone and occupy half of the place. But every time the song is for another group. It’s always this song. The drunkards love the song. Even though we don’t like it that much, they keep on singing it. Five times in one night. Now, THAT’s amazing.

That’s the end. I’m sure these songs will be sung again this Friday… Till next time guys! ^_^

current mood:

rejuvenated

Thursday, July 20th, 2006

8:17 am - Karma chameleon

I just had a really good conversation with a friend yesterday.

It actually surprised me that we were able to talk about something other than the people we hate, or corny but laugh-out-loud jokes, and other super shallow stuff. It all started when she said, "I wanna go back to being a bitch."

I tried desperately to hide my shock since I didn't want her to think I wasn't open to the conversation. "What do you mean?", was all I could utter. She told me that she wasn't as open now as she was before. way back when, she was a social animal, a drinker, a smoker, you fill in the blanks. Nobody was safe from her pranks, her attitude, her 'bitchin' if I might say so. I was wondering why anybody would want to go back to being somebody whom ideally, everybody hated. Why?

She told me that she feels empty...as if something big was missing in her life. She was simply confused, she added. She doesn't know who she really is, or what she's really meant to do in this world. One minute, she wants to be this; the next, she sees herself differently. For me, this was really odd because she was one of the few people I know who stands out in the crowd. Her distinct personality would always come out whoever she was with. I never thought someone like her could still be confused about who she is.

After a few minutes, we ended the conversation because she had to leave. After she left, it got me thinking about my own life. If she was this miserable, what of me? I don't want to admit that I, too, am confused. It just makes me think harder. I don't have time to think about myself right now, honestly. But the more I stay away, the harder it becomes. I start to ask questions I don't think anybody else could answer but me. The problem is, even I haven't found out the answers yet.

Tawi, a good friend, once told me that I'm like a chameleon. I adapt to the people I'm with. If I'm with drinkers, I drink. If I'm with smokers, I smoke. If I'm with intelligent people, I talk about simple stuff as if it were something as deep as the ocean. If I'm with writers and poets, I start to like poems and stories three notches higher than I normally do. If I'm with rebels, I talk bad about my folks. If I'm with religious people, I talk like I never miss church. If I'm with leaders, I act like a leader.

I'm not sure if it was a complement or an insult. Tawi assured me that it was a good thing. But something about it was telling me otherwise. And the thing is, I couldn't get mad because all of the things he said are true. I am a chameleon. People see me as the person I show them I am. Some people view me as a bitch, but some see me as a nerd. Some think I'm intelligent and some think I'm nothing but a student who went astray. Some see how responsible I am, and some see the lazy nobody in me. What bothers me the most is that I try to keep the images I've projected to the different groups. Instead of correcting them so I can be just one person, I make things worse by making more of my "personalities."

It's getting harder and harder for me. I can't even light a cigarette without making sure that nobody is around who knows me as the type of person who would never smoke.

As much as I'm having the time of my life with everybody else, when I'm alone, I don't really know who I am. I keep asking myself if I'm happy with what I have become. Time by myself has become a burden. That is why I always want to be surrounded by people. Being alone makes me do things like what I'm doing now - pouring my heart out in some stupid entry for everybody to see. Then again, the readers just might be able to help me find out who I am.

What's the chameleon's real color? Only when the chameleon stops trying to change, that's when we'll know.

I hope that day comes.

current mood:

confused

Tuesday, July 18th, 2006

3:49 pm - a simple hate letter... nothing much

I've been super exhausted these past few days. And I still can't believe that I'm here, writing this damn entry when I still have a million things I gotta do. Well, I do have an obligation to myself. I SERIOUSLY NEED A BREAK! And even if it's just writing whatever I want for once (rather than writing things my 'bosses' tell me to write), I'm gonna do it. I honestly would rather just go to the beach and chill but seeing how it is virtually impossible, I'm settling with this 'hate entry'. It's going to be my emotional outlet .

There are so many things in my head right now. I'm not sure if I'll be able to write everything down. But since this one's simply for dissing a few people (and a few sitches) here and there, this is going to be one hell of an entry.

First of all, I would like to commend a few people: _ _ K, _ _ I _ _ _ N _, _ _ _ A _ _ A, _ A _ _. You've just received awards for making my life MISERABLE!

To the first person, there is absolutely something WRONG with you! Can you please see a doctor of some sort? I'm just beginning to be concerned why you ain't got a f*cking brain! You keep on asking questions that can be answered by common sense. I don't understand why you want glory and power so much... when you are only supposed to be a MIDGET in this world. An annoying, social climbing asshole of a midget! Die midget, DIE!

Second person, I couldnt (i just couldn't) imagine anybody who'd want to be friends with you! You are so irritating, man! Don't you realize that? You keep on thinking of yourself as if you're this popular person when in reality, EVERYBODY HATES YOU! Just please, keep your distance. I just might lose my temper one day and slap you... HARD.

Third person, you have been nothing but a pain in the ass! You're so childish, and annoying! You always want to be noticed. One minute you're ok, the next, you're crying. And nobody knows the hell WHY! You threaten to leave (i don't know what got in to you) but I'd honestly, totally AGREE! Go! Never come back! You are so........ UGH!

Last but not the least, you FAG! I'm so tired of you always dissing me and treating me like dirt. YOU'RE the one who deserves to be treated badly you son-of-a-b*tch! You never admit your mistake, you blame us for the things you do and you blatantly disregard everybody's feelings! YOU'RE GOING STRAIGHT TO HELL! That's not a threat... That's a PROMISE.

There. I think I'm starting to feel ok. I'm gonna do more of this later. ^_^

current mood:

infuriated

Thursday, May 11th, 2006

1:02 pm - Jason Mraz

ALL HAIL JASON MRAZ!

Mraz went to Chickahominy Middle School (grades 6-8) and Lee Davis High School (grades 9-12). His last name is from Czech word mráz meaning "frost". Though he did not pick up the guitar until the age of 18, his musical appetite was strong. After a brief stint studying at the American Musical and Dramatic Academy taking musical theater in New York, he moved to San Diego. There he became a hit on the Southern California club scene, playing with percussionist Toca Rivera and his brother, latin-pop guitarist Carlos Olmeda. He was briefly married to a woman named Sheridan; however, they divorced amicably and still remain good friends. Mraz is mostly popular in the United States, Japan, and Australia.

His clear, strong tenor voice and easygoing, optimistic lyrics gained popular acclaim in 2003 when his first single, "The Remedy (I Won't Worry)," began to receive regular play on radio, MTV, and VH1. Co-written by music production team The Matrix, the popularity of "The Remedy" boosted the sales of his debut release, Waiting for My Rocket to Come, which has been certified platinum by the RIAA. Mraz has played with the likes of Bob Dylan, Dave Matthews Band, Paula Cole, John Popper, and Jewel.

Mraz's stylistic influences seem multiple and varied, a mixture of pop, rock, jazz, folksy country, and even hip-hop/rap. He is nothing if not eclectic.

Mraz was most recently on tour with Alanis Morissette and the Rolling Stones. His follow up to his major label debut, Mr. A-Z (which reads as "Mister A to Z" but is composed of the 4 letters of his last name, Mraz) was released on July 26, 2005. It entered the Billboard 200 album chart at No.5 selling nearly 90,000 copies in its first week, later on in December 2005 the album earned a Grammy Award nomination for Best Engineered Album, Non-Classical, while producer Steve Lillywhite received a nomination for Producer of the Year for his work on the LP. [1] He began touring in support of the album on September 12, 2005 in San Diego. Also in 2005, he was one of many singers featured in the new fall advertisement campaign for The Gap entitled "Favorites." The music-themed campaign also featured other singers including Joss Stone, Keith Urban, Alanis Morisette, and Michelle Williams.

In January of 2006 he had two concerts in Makati and Taguig City, Philippines, as to promote his album Mr. A-Z. These two places were the Rockwell Tent in Makati and the NBC Tent in Fort Bonifacio, Taguig City.

In 2006, he toured the U.K.and Ireland with James Blunt.

In March of 2006 he performed, for the first time, in Singapore, as part of the annual Mosaic Music Festival. Following which he toured Australia to promote Mr. A-Z.While in Melbourne he performed at sold out shows in Manchester Lane for two nights in a row.His sold out Sydney shows took place at the the Vanguard.

In May of 2006 he will be doing a tour of mostly small venues in the U.S., along with a couple of shows in the United Kingdom and Ireland and music festivals and an acoustic show with a few other bands, including P.O.D., Better Than Ezra, Live, and The Presidents.

Mraz recently split with singer-songwriter and former Roxy model Tristan Prettyman, whom he met at Java Joe's in San Diego, CA.

Mraz has often collaborated and performed with funk-hip-hop-folk artist Billy "Bushwalla" Galewood, a friend from New York who studied musical theater with Jason. Together, they have written and recorded several songs, including "Curbside Prophet" Jason's 3rd single off his major label debut Waiting for My Rocket to Come. Most recently, Bushwalla has toured with Jason during his fall 2005 tour. They both describe each other as one of their biggest influences, and they perfected their skills by jamming and freestyle rapping for hours on while living in New York.

current mood:

chipper

Saturday, May 6th, 2006

8:34 am - Top 10 cuties!

Hey! Just to get my mind off my problems, I decided to have a little fun! I've compiled a few pics of my celebrity crushes simply because I WANT TO! Guys, I don't think you need to read this. Girls and Bob, READ ON!!!

10. ASHTON KUTCHER

Please. He's one of the hottest guys in Hollywood! Plus, he's produced so many cool TV shows like Punk'd and Beauty and the Geek. A lot of girls dig him but he's already married to Demi Moore. That definitely makes him more irresistible!

9. WILMER VALDERRAMA

This Latino is SO HOT! He plays Fez (Short for Foreign Exchange Student) in That 70's Show with Ashton Kutcher. He's a sort of naive foreign guy there... and he plays it so well. It's one of my fave shows. Promise. Watch it too!

8. THOMAS IAN NICHOLAS

Ok. You might be wondering why I put him here. Well, simply because I find him so cute. I remember really liking him in the American Pie movies. Not really as hot as the others but he's the type of guy you'll want your parents to meet. Aww...

7. HAYDEN CHRISTIENSEN

Anakin Skywalker...I couldn't think of a better guy to play the role. I admit that when I watched STAR WARS, I only meant to watch him. I'd really like to see more of him. Hehehehe. ^_^

6. NICK CANNON

Again, you might be wondering why this guy is on my list. He's cute! Well, he's really successful now and he's super talented. I really like him. Plus, he got Christina Millian for a girlfriend. Cool.

5. ROSS THOMAS

Now this guy is a new one. He first played a major role in Cutting Edge 2: Going for the Gold; a remake of one of my favorite classic movies in the 80's. After I saw him there, I watched the movie thrice in two days.

4. RYAN PHILIPPE

What sets Ryan apart from everyone else is his mischievous look that makes him SO awesome! I can't explain it. His perfect for his role in Cruel Intentions. He's plain perfect. His wife, Reese Witherspoon, is also my fave actress. They look good together.

3. FREDDIE PRINZE, JR.

Now this guy is the prince alright. He's a very versatile actor and he really worked hard to get where he is right now. The boy-next-door looks and warm personality is definitely working for him. Plus, he captured the heart of Buffy. *wink*

2. WILL SMITH

I don't know about you guys but Will Smith, for me, is the hottest black-American actor on TV. He's so damn good with acting and he's a great rapper/singer too. He's so funny and he's very smart. If I didn't have a huge crush on my number 1 guy, he'd be on top of this list. Idol. ^_^

1. STEVEN STRAIT

This guy, this guy! He's my ultimate crush right now. SUPER! He can sing and he can act. He has this mediterranean beauty that's just so amazing. I didn't find a better picture of him but swear! He's so much cuter than that picture above. He's actually in Sky High and Undiscovered. I'm waiting for his next film, 'The Covenant' where he will star with 3 other cute, young guys. I love him!

THERE you go girls! Until next time! I'm gonna count down the top 10 hottest male music artists! Hehe... Peace! ^_^

current mood:

bouncy

Friday, May 5th, 2006

2:04 am - The melodrama of it all...

With just a measly sentence, the most important thing in the world to me right now – the one I’ve slaved over and spent too much time on – suddenly doesn’t matter anymore.

They’re breaking SU Team B up…my team.

Stacy, our first speaker, was transferred to Team A to replace Charmaine, their whip. I know that being in Team A is a privilege, much more an opportunity that doesn’t just come to anyone. Being on that team means a greater chance of breaking…a bigger possibility of facing the top debaters in the Philippines and even Asia. If you aren’t any good, you can kiss your dreams of being in team A goodbye. Which is why I’m very proud of Stacy…I’m glad she was picked, from among everybody else, to be in the premier SU team.

But the thing is…Stacy is part of OUR team. Together with Bryce, we have shared a lot of things already – debate strategies, matter, and even chizmax. We meet during free time just to work on our debating approach, in preparation for the next tournaments. We ride home together after debating, courtesy of Mr. Alcantara, just to evaluate our performance and decide how we could do better. Everyone in SUDS can attest to the chemistry we have as a team. We work well together. The three of us work.

When Mark broke the news that he had to get one person from our team to fill in for Charmaine, I felt heartbroken. I’m quite sure that Bryce and Stacy were, too. And it’s not that it means we have to get someone else to complete our team, it’s just that we can’t let anybody go without feeling as if a body part is being detached from our body. Yes, it can be replaced, but…it wouldn’t be the same. I remember being very emotional while the juju was explaining everything to us. He made sense actually, but at that time, I felt like he was talking crap. Other people who were there knew how hard it was for us; heck, even RJ and Noel (the best debaters we’ve got), offered to just adjudicate during the AUDC just so our team wouldn’t break up. Thanks guys, but even we won’t allow that to happen.

I know I’m being overly melodramatic about all this but it just feels so painful. It’s a known fact that in debating, you can never expect anything. Things are bound to be different, everything is bound to change…which means everybody should know how to adjust. If I ever want to be a good debater, I should learn to adjust. I should rid of this feeling of attachment to my teammates, or my tendency to panic in debates. I guess aside from the whole debate process, I still have to learn these lessons.

But right now, I have every prerogative to sulk, and mull over this unfortunate situation. I hate it… but I have to live with it.

Hahay...

I honestly don’t feel like debating right now…

current mood:

crushed

Wednesday, April 19th, 2006

1:33 am

I miss someone.

Maia's home was only a few steps from mine - and I used that to my advantage. I constantly showed up at her doorstep when I found nothing worth watching on TV, when I lost interest in a book I'm almost through reading, and when I just felt like talking to someone I knew would understand my messy personality. Maia was that someone. And she never failed to open the door, flash me a smile, and ask me to come in.

A few years back, I remember seeing her differently. I was a new student then, and the moment I saw her and her posse, I regarded her as one of those popular boy-magnets who never bother to associate with people like me. The whole half-American, half-Filipino look definitely worked for her...she was the prettiest girl in class. Everybody liked her...I liked her. I recall her wearing this amazing purple dress to a party once. She was like a doll and all eyes were on her. I loved that dress. And I loved purple since.

Maia was the girl everyone wanted to be. And I would be on top of the 'everyone list'.

Not once, did it cross my mind that she'd be one of the closest people to my heart right now. I mean, I thought we were too different to be friends. I thought she was too great compared to me. Well...that's before I found out that she wasn't the person I thought she was. She wasn't a doll, she wasn't a princess... She was real. And she liked me too.

Our friendship started from there. We weren't too unlike as I perceived. She was, as a matter of fact, very similar to me. We both liked writing (we were in the Stones and Pebbles, our Elementary publication), we liked talking about monsters, we liked stickers and we liked magical creatures and fantasy stories.

In High School, we discovered more things together. 'Boys' was one of our more favorite topics back then. We always found the same boys cute. Sports, she was a soccer player, and I was baller. But we’d still talk about the 2 sports as if they were the same thing. Before, I only listened to hiphop and R&B music, but she introduced me to different types of music. Alternative was our favorite of all, the songs fit our personalities…we could emote all day. Maia was really smart too. We’d talk about current events and share our opinions like we knew everything. We’d have food trips, but then we always ended up eating at her place instead…since her mom was a killer cook. We grew closer and closer everyday. She was one of my best friends.

When I was at their house, we would stay up until 2 am in the morning just jamming and singing. We would compose crazy songs about the things that piss us off, the people we currently hate and the boys who we found shallow. We would laugh at the funny looking people who would pass by, watch corny TV shows and criticize every character (though we still watch them anyway) and have movie marathons on nonsense movies that we laugh our heads off to. Haha! Those were the days...

Then, she had to leave. Her Mom was invited to teach in the University of Guam and she had to come with. She never wanted to go, but she knew she had no choice. I had no choice either. As much as I wanted her to stay, I couldn't do anything but watch her pack and go.

But then the most painful thing I had to go through was seeing her plane take off...I didn't know when she'd come back, or if I'll see her again. I cried buckets of tears that day. I'm sure she did too.

I'm still waiting for her to come back - no matter how long it takes. And when I see her, I'll hug her so tight and tell her everything she's missed. Then, we'll sing, and compose, and hang out again...like she was never gone.

current mood:

pensive